Seems like the vote goes to Australia! Watch the video inside...

Ignorance can be dangerous

I know a lot of people may think that 911 was "so last half decade" and "so not our country", but how long until something like this happens to the UK, how long until our own government orchestrates an attack on our own civilians? If you've got a spare hour, watch these two videos.

Part 1.
Length: 29:20


Part 2.
Length: 31:35

Seriously guys, those comments you left really hurt me. I'm a very sensitive person and I'm going to rip your fucking eyes out. I'm not 'seriously odd', I'm a kind, caring, slice-you-into-pieces person. You don't have to kill me, but the world forces on you some urge to rid your life of those who may be different to you. I'm just a normal guy really, even though I like listen to like Emo music, dress in the style of an Emo-Goth, or "Moth", and listen to Slip Knot, doesn't like mean I'm like, a bad person.

I respect nature, you know? Like, if I saw a bird that had died, or a tree that had lost a leaf, it would like, make me like, really sad, and like, I'd probably cry and put on more black. Infact, I might become a Muslim or something. Then I could be racist against everyone and claim that they're the one's being racist against me. Sweet.

Anyway I've kind of run out of things to like, say here. So like, I'm going. Oooh my new voodoo vampire extra blackened burnt and crispy skeleton doll has arrived. But please remember mother earth in all of this. Like, seriously.

In this world.

Well, I do. I don't belong sitting at home on a friday evening adding to my blog. Jesus, how pathetic. I belong inside some chick or something. I'm kidding, it should be a guy.

You know, it's like eating chicken pie. First you have the pastry which you nibble on for a bit, then it opens up and reveals the hot steamy juicy insides, nice and wet and a little bit chunky with all that chicken. That's right, eating a steak and kidney pie is just like eating a chicken pie.

I don't really know where I was going with that. Anyway, I don't belong in this world. I'm going to change my image. I'm thinking either Emo or Goth. I might try and do both at the same time, unless one suits me particularly well of course. I'll get some pictures done because if I don't all the trees might die and like that would like be totally bad for the world and make me like really sad. And then everything would die and I'd go to hell and be with my father Satan. Yeah I'm changing my name to Damien too. I'm a cemetary slut you know. Find me at the back of the church at midnight, taking care of like the plants and the sick birds, you know? Yeah, so like, leave a comment or it will like make me totally depressed because I'm a very sensitive and stabby person, and no comments make me slap on more black makeup. Like.

Seriously, I'll take anything. Except cleaning toilets. Who wants to clean toilets? Toilet cleaners must be pretty desperate people. I mean, surely working in Mc Donalds is a better job than cleaning other people's excrement from the side of a porcelain bowl. That's what their life's work amounts to. And for what? So they can buy some cake to drown their sorrows whilst they sit at home, alone, stinking of poo and watching Eastenders...

What a fun filled life. I don't know why they don't just put themselves out of their misery. They spend all day scrubbing crap just above a water line, what joy do they have in their life? None. No one cares about the lonely fat cleaner eating cake and crying because they dropped a crumb. No one. Except me. I mean hey, I'm a compassionate guy, I've got a lot of sympathy for these poor people. I've thought long and hard about how best to help them, and I have the answer. Suicide.

End of.

Damn it man, I need some money, fast. I currently have a massive £3.07 in the bank, which I can't even withdraw. That sucks, and what's more, it's only like 3L of petrol. So I've come up with a devious plan. Advertizzle. I know it sounds like some really cool sparkly drink, but it's not. Sorry to disappoint you. Here's my proposal ...

I am offering my car, which you can see below*:

for advertisement purposes. I do a lot of miles in a week, month, year, and a lot of people see my car. Many stop and stare. Or maybe they're just starring at me because I'm so cool. Maybe... Anyway, basically you get to put anything you want on the side, back, roof, bonnet or any other part (excluding windows) of my car. Here are a few examples of what you might like to put on my car:

And all at a very reasonable rate of just £1000 per day. I mean hour. I also do drive-bys and anything else you might like.

£1000 too much? Well, seeing as it's you, £10 a week. Sounds like a deal. Now pay me damn it.

Oh, and of course you pay for the actual text/images being put on/removed from the car as well. I've no idea how much that costs. Payment is by cash only. Sweet deals people.

*May not be my actual car

Mr Fantastic.

Or something.

Man, today sucked ass. Who would have thought going back to college after 3 weeks could be so depressing. Usually I don't mind going back and seeing my mates, but I hate them all so much. Just kidding. What sucked was knowing that it's only a month until study leave, and then only 2 weeks until exams. I'm screwed. I figured if I don't get the AAA I'm predicted, or the AAB I need, I'm going to be a bum. Screw Holloway. Oh crap..

*memo*: Tell Holloway I was just bullshitting when I said they were my insurance place. I don't want to go there at all. Suckers.

Anyway, I'll just be a bum, see the world or something equally as cool. Maybe I'll become an astronaut, or President of the World.

...

Today at college they've put up a new Fire Exit in the dinning hall. At first I thought it was going to be the best term of my life, because it was a door virtually straight from the 6th form centre to the lunch hall. Well, that failed when we found out the handle is on the inside only.
But seriously, they put in fire precautions now? Someone should mention that the fire's already happened...

And to make matters worse House Football is on Wednesday. Usually this is the highlight of the year, but at least two of our players will be away on a trip. One is the goal keeper, and the other is essential to the midfield. We can still raise a team of at least 5, and we'll probably still kick ass because I'm the best, but that aside, what a rip. It's almost like the world is trying to make me depressed and suicidal without trying very hard.

Try harder damn you.


Oh, fucking fantastic. Dude who I rammed just came round and I had to pay £280 of my own money. Now I'm broke. Piece of crap. Apparently it's cheaper than putting it on the insurance. In the long run. Like I give a damn about the long run. Fuck the long run. I just care about today, and today I'm poor. Damn it.


Please donate some money to keep me happy: paypal me some money to solongfx@gmail.com

Do it.

Now.

And I'll send you a free gift*!

*Gift including but not limited to: nothing

I hate life

Last night was pretty cool, after a 7 hour shift at work, and getting £5 for doing one delivery, I made my way to Bude. In total fog, by the way; visibility was about 10 metres. I really didn't see that group of townies crossing the road, and I didn't see that 40 limit. Good job no one cares about chavs. I should be made King for my good deed. Anyway, after getting to Bude and getting to the beach, and then going ... somewhere else to do ... stuff, which I shan't go into now ... though it's not as sexual as you might be thinking ... let's just say Stag's a ninja who works for MI5 and she taught us some stuff ... we lit up a fire on the beach and had marshmellows. Then some gipsys came and started stealing our heat, but they complimented our fire so it was ok. Then it started raining, but we stayed. Then the fire died out and Jenny went to go talk to the homeless guy who was sitting near our cars. I think she woke him up and he was pretty pissed. I mean, she was pissed, he was pissed off. Poor guy just wanted a quiet night's sleep on the bench in the rain. Then we slept in my car, all three of us, even though we had three cars there, and got breath all over my friggin' windows. Seriously, I hate cleaning breath of the windows. During the night I drew a dick on Jenny's face, but it didn't look much like a dick. She doesn't have very drawable skin. You know what's more annoying than someone who doesn't have drawable skin? Someone who snores like a freakin' warthog. Jebus, girl was like a fog horn.

That was last night...

So today, after another good night sleeping in my car by the beach, I had breakfast at Morrisons with Stag and Jenny. I told them not to have the salmonella eggs, but they didn't listen. I think they'll regret it tomorrow. Anyway, we get back into the car to drive back to the beach, Jenny beeps the horn to let the people around us know we're reversing (as you do), and off we go. Then we stoped. Or more accurately, something stopped us.

My first thought when we bumped to a stop was "Oh shit, I've killed a midget". Then I looked in the mirror and saw something orange and thought "Oh shit, I've killed an umpa-lumpa". But it wasn't. I guess that's a good thing 'cause Umpa-Lumpas are pretty mean lean orangeene fighting machines, and I don't want a gang of midgets kicking my ass.



Now, I looked around when I was reversing, mirrors, blindspots, and even the horn was beeped, but these people came out of nowhere. I'm telling you, 60 year old men are maniacs. They were driving a bright orange car so obviously I would have seen them if they wern't going at the speed of freakin' light.

Stag screams and I go "oh shit". Jenny just sits there. I get out the car going "oh shit oh shit", look at the damage to my car. Jenny just sits there. Damn, I got off pretty lightly, just took the left side of my bumper off the screws. That's nothing. The lights didn't get touched, the reflecter fell out but I popped that back in. It's nothing. His car, however. Well, I hit the passenger side, and the passenger couldn't even get out the car because it was dented in so much. I feel like I've impacted on someone's life today. They've got a memory of me; an imprint of my bumper in their door. They must have been going seriously fast though, I mean, my bumper made a pretty long dent, and it was only a couple of inches of my bumper which was scratched. So I gave them some details and they said they'd contact me. Fair enough I guess.

The guy even thanked me.

He said, "Thank you"
To which I replied, "Well, not really 'thank you', I mean..." whilst gesturing at the gash in his car.

Jenny just sat there. I think she was thinking about getting back to her car so she could roll a fag.

I'm never selling my Metro. I've got too many memories with it now, 8 months of memories, I don't think I'll get my bumper fixed either. It's like a trophy. How many cars have you smashed into? Yeah, that's what I thought, hippy. Again I'm better than you.

When we got back to the other cars, they both had parking tickets. Haha, suckers.

What the hell is the point in wind farms? Sure they’re great if they’re in places like Germany, I mean, no one gives a damn about Germany. So why are hippies trying to get wind turbines put up a few hundred metres from my house? Not one or two turbines, oh no, but THREE. You know what, Cornwall doesn’t even need any more wind turbines. Seriously, we’ve fulfilled our 2010 quota by 80% already or something equally as great as that, and we can get to 100% without shoving them up near my freakin’ crib. Homie. So why are there hippy farmers wanting these farms? ‘Cause they’ll get rich off them. £10,000 a year for having one turbine on your land. Jebus, I bet they don’t make much of a profit, especially seeing as they only work when wind speeds are within a small range, and when there are no crows stuck in the rotors. Plus they’re noisy and can paralyse you, or even kill you. Especially when they fall on you. That’s the worst way to go, crushed by a hippy machine. It’s like the 60’s all over again, but this time, the hippies are beating nuclear, and soon to be eating nuclear. Waste that is, I’m going hippy hunting tomorrow with my wolf, Hippykill2000. That’s his real name. Honest. Anyway we’re going to force feed some hippies nuclear waste, prove to them once and for all that it’s not dangerous in the slightest.
So yeah, stop with the freakin’ turbines. A farmer or three may gain £10,000 a year each for having turbines on their land, but they do not consider the wider consequences; horses will get spooked because the blades will be going whoosh..woosh…woosh….wooooosh, and what’s more, pigs could get caught in the updraft, and pigs don’t like that. Also it will devalue my property by £100,000, leading to £50,000 less in my inheritance. Don’t worry though, I’ve got the gun ready.
Here’s a little rap I made up to preach to all those hippies the dangers of turbines.

Yo, yo, yo, Wind turbines up in the ‘hood
Aint good man, it aint no good
If you would just listen then I could
Tell you a story about Balamory
Or a guy named Cory
but better yet, I will bet
you’d rather hear about some beer
Or perhaps wind turbines, yeah
See wind turbines man they be amazing
If you’re queer and like that gay thing
So let me lay this down a min
From a bin don’t bump your chin
It could sting, yo, sting you bad.
Wind turbines ain’t a fad, lad,
Don’t get mad while I tell you
You’re crazy.
If you be puttin’ up turbines everywhere
Not only are you gonna scare
All the horses, sheep and pigs,
But when a crow wears a wig
He can’t see for shit and flies into that bit
That spins around above the ground
The turbine slows down to a halt
And it’s all that damn crow’s fault
The bolts are strained the crow’s been maimed
And janitor Steve, recently lamed
Has to come and fix this rotor
up the tower, past the motor
hang up his coat-fur, and get out his loafers
this just ruins his day, his day is ruined
by this bloody crow that did flew in
the rotor of the turbine, now his mood
it aint fine, he’s pissed, his mad, he’s being crude,
rude and needs the loo, now he’s flyin’
off the handle, his son Randle,
he’s gonna get it when Steve gets home
beat to the bone, Steve gets out
the meat cleaver, kills a beaver,
now it’s Randle’s turn to bite the dust,
now he’s bust, busted up,
and why? Randle was a good child,
nice and mild, never lied
never cried, never shied away
from any task that came his way
but today Steve got pissed
‘cause he had to leave his wife, kissed
her and went, to get this crow
outta the rotor, another blow
to Randle’s head, poor kid,
now he’s dead,
so keep in mind
if you support the wind turbine
you’re supporting domestic violence,
supporting this kid getting killed
with a meat cleaver to the head,
just lying quietly in his bed
now he’s dead, you fucking hippy.
Yo.


Fuckin' hippies.

Check them out, new band, released a Demo CD, 8 tracks. Dunno what type of music you're into, but they're not bad, especially for a Demo. It's better than the Arctic Monkeys' demo anyway. Even though it's not the same type of music.

Go Here, Click on the "C", and try out some of their tracks. If you download the demo CD, listen to "Finger Twist and Split".


You heard it hear first ... woo.

Tom Cruise said:
"I'm gonna eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there."

When his baby is born. Seriously, who does that, who eats kiddie juices? Apart from Gary Glitter. Man, Tom Cruise is a sicko.

Shame he was joking.


It would have made real interesting, up to date news to publish that on my blog. But oh no, he was just "kidding". Unless he was using a joke to conceal his real intentions so that when it came to it he could say "I told you I all would".

But we're detracting from the real news that everyone is so interested in, Katie Holmes finally gave birth. Jeez, that bitch was pregnant for like, 9 months or something. Talk about dragging it out. Publicity, I bet. They named the baby "Suri" which is supposed to mean both "Red Rose" and "Princess". Poor kid. Not only does she have crazy parents, she's called Suri. That's Irus backwards, and if you jumble it up a bit and duplicate a few letters, you get Sirius. Coincidence? I think not. Sirius is a massive star, which Scientologists believe they came from (probably).

Maybe their kid looks like this.

Or this.

Either is probable.


Wait a minute...

Like hell that's the real news, the REAL news is that my blog was ripped off because Tom Cruise was "just kidding". Seriously, this should make prime time national.

"What's a myspacer!?" I hear you yell from across the other side of the room. Well Jimmy, a myspacer is, oi, don't look at my like that Jimmy, yeah you better. A myspacer is someone who uses the site MySpace.

So why do I hate them? Aside from their smelly feet, they add music to their sites. Everyone on myspace has some sort of music on their myspace. Damn, how is myspace a "thing" that you can "own" and "use" and such, it's a piece of code. Jeez.

Anyway, it's not nearly as sophisticated as I am.

So yeah, if any of you guys use myspace, take the freakin' music off, or whatever sound effects you have on there. Or at least configure it so it's not freakin' autoplay. Think about it, I DON'T USE SHITTY INTERNET EXPLORER. Ergo, I open many, many pages at once, and flick through them, much like a newspaper, or a Sunday Roast. I also have my own music, which I personally enjoy, coming from my laptop through my external speakers. So when your music loads, and the other 10 people's music loads, I get a god-aweful mishmash of garbage which sounds like garbage. Shut up. I don't want to hear it. Just shut up. Or learn some html so you can remove the auto-play option. Something. You could try slicing the jugular if all else fails. Whatever, as long as I don't have to listen to whatever your favourite track is, 'cause chances are, your taste in music suck. Well, I say chances are, what I really mean is "your taste in music sucks".

Click Me

That will make me seem a lot more popular to be Bebends and Friebos (that's Bebo Friends). I needed a boost to my iEgo.

I was going to think of something interesting to update with, but you know, you guys can't think of anything interesting to comment, bar Sam991. I've got stats, I know how many individuals visit my page per day, and only one of those people comment; it's pityful. I pity you guys. You know why? Yeah, you do.

Hmm, a fair number of people are going to read this post, I better had add something interesting to make sure you come back tomorrow so that I recieve a sense of accomplishment in my life. Let's see ... a joke! ok,

' What did the general say to his men before they got in the tank?

"Get in the tank" '

Oohoooo..wait, that sucks. DAMN. Now no one's going to come back. Better try again, appeal to people's sexual natures.

' What do women and washing machines have in common?

They both drip when fucked. '


Yeah, you better. And by better I mean suck. Ok I'll cut the crap now. And by crap I mean radial arteries.

Fuckers.

It's so true. Although they probably could have done a better job with the filming, it gives a poignant message; slow speeds kill. Or at least seriously injure. The faster you go, the less people you'll hit. It makes logical sense.

When you next rob a bank, make sure the getaway driver drives as fast as possible to save lives. The police following will have their sirens blaring, nee naw nee naw, etc. If you're on the motorway this will scare people shitless, and they'll start swerving everywhere to avoid the siren. Now, if you're going at the speed of sound the police car will be forced to drive faster and faster, and ultimately it will crash. What can you expect when there's a pig driving the car? This means no sirens and hence less people getting paniky and killing themselves. Perfect sense.

Over the next however many nights I'm bored, I'm going to try my hand at making some small programs. I have no idea what I want them to do though, and that's the problem. I need ideas. It's all very good and well designing the basis for a simple program (which I did tonight), but it doesn't actually do anything yet... so, what sort of programs would you be interested in? What do you feel you are missing from your desktop? Let me know, and I'll see what I can put together, and I might even take it into a fully blown project level.

Yeah, I decided to update again, I figured that those people who didn't comment will feel GUILTY and donate money instead. I accept paypal or cheque.

I thought I'd share some great videos I've recently seen, they're both of Fall Out Boy. Now before you navigate away from this page, they're not actual Fall Out Boy videos, they're taking the piss. It's what you might call the artist's interpretation of the song.


They're of "Sugar, We're Going Down" and "Dance, Dance".

Enjoy!




and

This is just to remind me to check out a site more often.

This site was brought to my attention by another blogger, Ryan. If you love music, you will love this site. I do, and we all know that everything I love is great, especially Family Guy. Suckers.

So check it out here, and while you're at it, listening to some tunes, thank Ryan for bringing this to more people.

Well...well...so, in the last 2 days and up 'till now, this site has had 45 unique visitors. Out of those 45, 9 people voted on the poll. So 36 people were too lazy to even CLICK A FREAKIN' BUTTON. Man, that sucks. You know what, unless I get at least 8 comments on this post, I'm going to quit updating. You don't even have to say anything interesting, nor do you have to sign up, nor do you have to tell anyone who you are.

Just saying anything from "Hey" to "I like to suck donkeys" will do. Whatever. I need the popularity to boost my iEgo, and my e-head will get bigger. Hmm.


Plus, if anyone knows of a decent template I could use for this site (obviously one that's compatible with blogger), I'd appreciate it.




"Do something important with your life. Comment on this post. " - The Pope


"Commenting on this post is the most important thing you can do with your life" - Bob Geldof


"If I'd commented on this post I wouldn't now be dead" - Anne Frank


-- 3 comments until next update --

I just had to shave with cold water and no foam/gel and you wont even comment. Well, I don't think we can be friends any more.

3 measly comments to go. Come on people, you're reading this, COMMENT. Jebus. You better comment, or you're going to be upset tomorrow when you come back to find there have been ZERO updates. You may even cry. Infact, you will cry. You will. Yes, you will.

Seriously, James Blunt is a dick. This is classic though.

What do you think of Mr Blunt? Love him or hate him? I can't understand why some people like him (and I use the term loosely). Someone should tell him about puberty. Really.

Why Wont You Comment, Bitch?
	No Time (like I'll believe that)
	Too Lazy (aka chubs)
	Too Shy (poof)
	Think You'll Embarrass Yourself (you can do it anonymously, idiot)
	Not Interesting Enough To Reply To (then why the hell are you at the site in the first place, twat?)
	Can't Think Of Anything To Say (can't think for yourself - good luck getting a job)
	Other (please state in a comment - ha)

That's a bit of an unfortunate title. Probe.

And that picture; soldier walking around holding a gun...or



Faceless AU Father Christmas! ... with a gun.

This is a seriously funny clip that I want all you Family Guy haters to watch.

Peter discovers that he's retarded.

You gotta note: The baby can "talk" but only the dog understands him. The dog can also talk, but everyone understands him.

A talking dog eh... who'd've funk it.


And for more laughs, check this out

A guy gets a bunch of woman at an "Outstanding Achievement" university to sign a petition to end womens' suffrage.

Iran has recently successfully tested the world's fastest underwater torpedo, which is designed to elude radar, and simply, convert the enemy. And by convert I mean destroy. And by destroy I mean anal rape.

On Friday they "demonstrated the Fajr-3 missile, also designed to escape radar and capable of hitting several targets with multiple warheads." (Source)
That's fairly worrying; the entire British fleet could be destroyed with a few missiles, leaving us, for the most part, defenceless against invasion. Muslim invasion. Sure we could grab the RAF and bomb their asses to hell, but then we'd get scolded by the UN. Unfortunately for us, Tony Blair is a sucker, and only listens to the UN, which listens to the USA. Now, if Iran is invading England, it will most likely be after advice from the USA. That's how thing's work; the USA is like Snoop Dogg..he's everywhere, and everyone loves him. And by "loves" I mean "hate". And by "everyone" I mean "I".

Prepare to be boarded. That's right, Iran is an ass pirate. They take advantage of situations and then convert you by ramming it hard and fast and saying "Will you be Muslim?" as you're yelling out "YES, YES, OH YES". Trust me, I've been there. Twice. The first time I stoped being Muslim because it's a religion that requires self restraint, something I have none of.


For those of you that think Iran is one of those impoverished countries full of mudhouses and igloos, who could never threaten world security. Guess again suckers. Iran's going to whip some ass. I'd prefer it simply stirred ... or even shaken, but whipped will do.



I think I'm going to try and get a job today. Something that requires "No Experience" ... I have a lot of that.

On the news this morning it has been reported that 3 backpackers, who were presumed dead after trekking across the desert 15 years ago and never returning...well, they've returned.

The backpackers gave accounts of their ordeal; they were captured by the guards at Area 51 after accidentally stumbling on the entrance to the top secret location. They were locked in a chamber for 15 years, not seeing the light of day and having no contact with anyone but themselves. This could have been enough to drive any one mad, and by the looks of their hair they were mad.


They looked a little something like this. There are no pictures of the 3 backpackers available yet, but they sure are a funny looking bunch. Wouldn't you be after 15 years of isolation and no light?

The backpackers were fed though; a bare minimum, what they described as "raw leftovers from the cooking".

Their tale of escape is simply amazing though. After years of listening, planning and waiting they knew when exactly they could make their break for freedom, and how. When the guard brought them their food on Friday he would be alone, they could hear often that there were no other guards in that corridor, and they had been constructing a picture of the building from the echoing sounds (they had become almost bat-like, as their eyes were not needed for 15 years their sense of sound had increased 1000 fold). All they had to do was strangle the guard with their clothing and then run for freedom, along the corridor's which they had mapped out on the floor on the cell, and which had been studied so much that it had been imprinted on their minds.

The media hopes that these people will be able to reconstruct that super-sonic picture of Area 51, and perhaps Area 51 will be exposed very soon. Will they have to move? What is it they do there anyway? The backpackers said they often heard screaming sounds that were "out of this world". Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an astounding development in the history of the world. Hold your breath...but no for too long or you'll die.