As bird flu gets closer to home, it's important to understand the effects and causes of the disease. Bird Flu is an Avian Flu, spread by poultry and other birds. However, if it mutates into a strain that can transfer from human to human, we have an epidemic on our hands. It is possible to catch bird flu from birds; mainly chickens, if you are in constant contact with them.

So, should you be paranoid that you may contract bird flu? Yes you damn well should. Bird Flu is everywhere, it could even be in your cup of tea, or in your eyes. Check everything, and trust no one. If you suspect something has bird flu, it does. Call the police immediately to prevent side effects such as hair loss and death.

To prevent death, read the following.

If you work with chickens:
Is your chicken alive, walking around, eating, and laying eggs? Does it look like this?

If you answered yes, your chicken has Bird Flu. Bird Flu does not kill chickens immediately, and side effects may include what has come to be known as "theatrical poultry normality". This is where chickens pretend to act normally. If you see this unsuspicious behavior you should run a mile. Then scream and run to the police making sure you inform them that your chicken is acting normally.
Similarly, if you see any humans acting like chickens, e.g. running away from something dangerous, or not completing a dare and/or double dare, there are a few options available for you. One such option is to find the nearest hose pipe and spray them down with cold water. This is the only known cure for bird flu. If you do not have a hose pipe, simply scream at the top of your lungs "THAT GUY HAS BIRD FLUUUUU". Then run.

If you eat chicken
If you bought your chicken at the supermarket, it has bird flu. Supermarkets import from China in order to cut costs (Communism doesn't pay). However, all birds in China have bird flu. Forget what the media has told you; they are lying to maintain control over the public. Think about it, if everyone realised they were eating bird flu, and that everyone had bird flu, no one would go out, and so newspapers and McDonalds would be screwed. There may be a few exceptions where chinese-bought chicken does not have bird flu, so here is a simple diagnostic guide to check whether your supermarket-supplied bird has bird flu:

1. If the bird's feathers have fallen off; it has bird flu

2. If the bird is not moving; it has bird flu

3. If the bird is wrapped up in plastic when you buy it; it has bird flu

4. If your parents or relatives have cooked the chicken in the oven and the chicken turns out hot...you guessed it, it has bird flu (your temperature soars with flu).

5.

This chicken has bird flu

Please people, be paranoid about anything and everything. Your life is at stake, if you sense anything is wrong, throw your food on the floor, hose it down, and call the police. And do some screaming in between for good measure.

We all know that when women do sports, they bounce, some bounce a lot, others not so much. Research has indicated that bounce is bad, no matter what I might think.

A bra has been designed to stop bouncing, and strangely enough, if you want to see the effect this bra has on breasts compared with no bra and a normal bra, you can, right here: Be warned; you will see boobies.

You can test out the bra on this flash demo with your cup size (anything from A - G) and the sporting activities you do (from walking to horseriding/running).

It's a good way to advertise a bra; showing the imperfections in a woman's body and telling them to "upgrade". It's almost like telling ugly people to get plastic surgery. Almost.

By the way, if you're hoping that this will provide the means for jerkin your gherkin, you'll be sadly disappointed, and what's more, get off my site, sicko.

Thanks to Sam991 for finding this

So I'm pumping my car full of fuel, trying not to think about what I'm doing incase it makes me lose control, and enough with the sexual inuendos already.

Anyway, I've got my nozzle in the hole, pumping it in at 92.9ppl (which is a total rip, by the way, please donate to fund my fuel expenditure), it's about 9.45 so it's not too late. I go up to pay, and there's one man in the queue talking about how he spends £70 a week on petrol, and the guy behind him is just nodding and saying "oh £10 for me". So when the second guy pays for his fuel he turns around and goes "Woah. Hello. What's that scrizzle on your shirt?" (I was wearing my Edgehill Leavers Rugby Top). I replied, "Oh...that's, erm, Edge **muffled noise**"
"What?"
"Edgehill College"
"Oh, pardon me Gov'nor"
"Er..right..."
Then he turns back to the guy on the till and says "They're moving that place up to Atlantic Village in 3 years"
I said "I havn't heard that one before"
and he said "I have, I heard it on the news"


What the hell news channel does he watch? Was he confusing Edgehill with a supermarket which might set up there? I don't know, but he gets the award for best rumour. Ever.

Don't drink and drive kids, but do smoke whilst topping up your car. That's good for you. Damn drunks.

I believe it's now time to lay the updates on Edgehill to rest. There doesn't seem to be a huge demand for them anymore; people can see what's happening for themselves, and everyone outside Edgehill has lost interest.

So for the final update, I shall say it's been good rubbing how great I am in the schools face; that I could give rumours a place to breed, and let the people know what Edgehill didn't want them to.

Now on to more pressing matters; real news, and real humour. What, you thought the fire was the most humorous thing you were ever going to hear about, ever? Well, you're right. It's hillarious. Nothing can ever top Edgehill burning down, which is a shame because it's going to make the rest of this site look pretty crubby.

So on to the main point, from now on I'm going to be refining crude oil into a product everyone can love and enjoy. Except instead of refining crude oil, I'm refining my website to bring you the latest news and humour every day..but really it's the same thing. Really.

Without BitterDays it's just AWESO

That doesn't really work does it. I got the idea from a tshirt

Remember to enjoy it, and comment on it. And especially remember the part about bringing me some pie.

Can't be assed with an update really, so here's a brief thing of things.

Torridge won house music, thanks to mine and Alex's efforts. Suckers.

6th form now have more of a pathway, but still have to walk through a corridoor of mud.

I wish people would stop being so gay

I took some pictures of cement mixing lorries and such today, but I'm too lazy to put them on...maybe tomorrow.


And here's your source of humour for the day

Here's a short clip where in the middle of a CNN news broadcast .. they run out of news


And I'm sick of all you people saying Family Guy sucks. Just watch this short clip

If you found it funny, leave a comment mocking all those people who hate family guy. If you didn't find it funny, leave a comment mocking all those people who love family guy.



Thought for the day: Ever noticed when you're driving/being driven, that almost all corners to the left are uphill (and therefore almost all corners to the right are downhill)? Why is that? Seriously, it's bugging me, because I can take corners to the left really fast knowing that I can get round them easily (the banking of the corner makes sure I don't slide onto the other side of the road), but when I take corners to the right I need to slow down to stop myself slidding off the road into the ditch. I supposed I can't complain too much, I mean, if women designed roads every 28 miles you'd have a series of bumps, bends..anything to piss you off. (That's based on women completing one mile of road per day.)

And here's a "thought for the moment"; why does the introduction of "Gold Lion" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs sound suspiciously like "We Will Rock You"?

I know I didn't update yesterday; I busted my PC, but it's all good now.

To the stuff you came here to find out: the car park is now a mass of big holes, the scaffolding is now half way up the side of the school at the far end, they've removed the apex which was visible from the Geography room and have started taking the tiles down etc, they've put in a massive portaloo, which seems unneccessary; Mrs Wright left ages ago. There's also been a new cabin instated near the Wooldridge centre, on the grass where all the trees are, next to the part of the school that burnt.

Pictures:

They've brought out the digger today and are starting to dig up most of the car park. If you're visiting the school I wouldn't recommend trying to park in what little space there is left in the car park because it will either be taken or extremely hard to get in or out of, plus they might move a fence or two and trap you in there.

The digger might be making a fair bit of noise, or so we've been told, it didn't affect the two lessons I had today at all, but may have for others. Tomorrow (Thursday) they are considering holding a day entirely for games - House Matches, student/staff matches etc. etc. However, if they feel that the work in the carpark is not making so much noise that it disturbs lessons then the day will carry on as a normal Thursday. All students must bring in a sports kit however, just in case.

I didn't mention it when I found out, but the pick up point for buses at the end of the day is now the Sports Hall. I would be grateful if those on the Bude bus could find their way to getting there asses there ON TIME. Just because busses can't leave until 5.05pm if someone isn't there, doesn't mean they can't leave earlier if everyone is there. All the other buses manage to leave at 4.55pm, but not us. It's mainly down to one person who shall remain nameless unless they're late again.



Here's a low quality pic of the work being done. Some high quality pics to come later.

The Sun has conducted an extremely accurate and in depth survey, as they always do, to discover what type of person is the most popular. 1000 people were surveyed, and IT nerds came out on top.


"COMPUTER geeks have been voted Britain's most popular people.

Eight in ten of us love IT workers because they fix our machines.

Nurses scored 75 per cent in the poll of 1,000 phone users.

Traffic wardens are most hated, but estate agents' popularity is up slightly.

Most loved: IT workers, nurses, mechanics, doctors, shop staff.

Most hated: Traffic wardens, lawyers, car salesmen, bus drivers, estate agents."


I don't understand their maths though. 8 in 10 love IT nerds, yet 7.5 in 10 prefer a good nurse? There's a word that springs to mind when people say the Sun's reading age is 7: Understatement. A baboon could cococt better statistics than that. They probably didn't even ring those 1000 people, why would they? No one's going to check. I bet one of the IT Nerds at the Sun updated the website with that article just so people would think he's the man. Real big man, spending all day with his PC, tucked away in a closet somewhere, updating his internet blog and finding random news articles to criticise. Real big man.

Just a small update today, I'll list the points.

1) Work has started assembling the portable classrooms. They came from ikea and are being errected from today, the school car park is virtually closed off now (well most of it).

2) House Cross Country will take place next Wednesday (week tomorrow)

3) House Music will take place on Monday (week yesterday)

(I know most people already knew about the bottom two, I just forgot to update when I found out)

Today there have been a lot of people walking around with yellow jackets and hard hats on, pointing at things, sometimes mentioning asbestos, and huddling together in groups.

I guess they were talking about the scaffolding, which should start to go up sometime soon. Also, the portable classrooms have not arrived but should do so soon.

We've got our walkway from Wooldridge now! Although, we're not sure it's supposed to be there, someone has moved the fence a tiny bit so that we can just about squeeze through. And there's a lot of red tape but you can avoid that fairly easily.

Trays were there as promised, not sure how the system worked though because I was too busy eating all my carbohydrates to notice, and I didn't use a tray, neither did anyone I sat with. Maybe we are capable of walking and holding things at the same time after all?

There's a small issue of overcrowding on the buses. Well, when I say "the buses" I mean "the Bude bus" and when I say "overcrowding" I mean we had 17 people on a 16 seater bus tonight. Gooooood organisation.


That's about all I've got for now. I'll edit later with some funny news or something.

In Humour:
This guy's gonna regret playing with fireworks when he wants to have children
Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to hold a lighted firework where your knob is? Do people not realise that Fireworks go BANG and blow stuff up? Jeees. If there's a better reason not to shave your head portraying your idiocy I've yet to see it.


Here's a prank you should try on your parents tonight
If would have been even more funny if they'd rigged up some water or something so that when the table rocked the water splashed all over him. Actually, make that boiling water. Heh Heh Heh.


and if you're looking for a good few laughs, check out Google Idol!


In News:
ALMATY (Reuters) - Burglars in Kazakhstan locked a funeral parlour employee in a coffin and kept him there unconscious while rummaging for cash in the shop.

Serik Sarsenbayev said he was on his own late at night when two masked burglars burst into the parlour and beat him until he fainted.

The thieves then nailed him into a wooden coffin and carried on their search for a money safe, he told Reuters by telephone from the steppe town of Temirtau.

He was later freed by the driver of the parlour's hearse.

The thieves made away with the equivalent of $23,000 (13,000 pounds) and remain at large, the daily Express K reported.

This is an amusing story when you look at it the first time...but look closer. What the hell was he doing in the funeral parlour "late at night"? Seriously? WHAT, was he doing? ... I don't think I want to know... and why did the driver turn up as well? Surely he would have had to have turned up "late at night" in order to free the guy from the coffin before he suffocated. I'm getting my ass cremated, not stuffed with funeral parlour workers.

So why not?




Right, I've got a joke as well.

Two birds are sitting on a tree.
Bird 1: What shall we do this winter?
Bird 2: Migrate!
Bird 1: Your grate?
Bird 2: Thank you!

So lame, but you try and do better.

Just a few small points to raise today.

Firstly, the "Edgehillian" magazine, which was intended for the end of the 2005 year, will be available shortly. This was produced by Tom Kingscott, Helen Watson, Emily Gundersen and Alex Pirrie and myself. If you're interested in why this took so long to produce, it's because they decided to have it done in Kong Kong, of all places. Apparently it's 1/3 of the cost, and the quality is higher. After flicking through the samples it does look pretty snazzy and there's some good pictures in there. It's going to make a nice memory collection anyway. Next year's magazine is being put together sooner so that it can be released when it's supposed to.

Secondly, trays will now be used to carry your lunch from the bar to your table. Basically, some retards were having trouble carrying their plates, so we're now using trays. However, once you have taken your food to your table you must immediately return the tray so that somebody else can use it. Personally I think those without good plate balancing skills should be whipped until they learn!

Thirdly, "outlandish" and "outdoor" clothing is now banned, starting Monday. This means no "silly hats" or coats etc. Quotes are from the head's speach in assembly this morning. Apparently, we've all "adapted" to the climate. Some of us have even grown fur. Though honestly, I don't know what happens in Scotland at this time of year, but down here in the South West when it's cold we don't mutate to cope with it. I for one will still be wearing extra clothing. I'd like to see him try and take it off me.

Feel free to leave a comment if you have any more information. "Anonymous" comments are just that, anonymous, so if you're worried about preserving your identity then stop it, no one will know!

P.S. I'd also like to know where there was a sign telling me to "STOP CHILDREN CROSSING" floating around the grass and humanities today? I think telling me to run over children as they cross the road is a great idea, but I'm wondering if there is a point scoring system?


P.P.S. The old bitterdays site is still up if you want to see any of the old articles/banners etc. Find it here

Clickity Click

Ok, here's the first "news" article of the blog. Basically, old people were studied and shown to spend only 15 minutes per day on sex and romance, and up to 5 hours watching TV/surfing the net, on average.

I would like to draw your attention to 2 things near the top of the article, because I know you won't read to the bottom, and I sure as hell didn't.

Firstly - "Later in life, you have a different perspective of what sex is all about," John Wright, an Ipsos Reid spokesman, said on Thursday.

What is sex about when you're young then? I believe he's insinuating that when you're young sex is fun, and when you're older sex is more passionate and loving. Way to go show your love by spending more time with the TV, you ageist jackass. It's clear to see that John Wright is making up poor excuses here for his lack of "getting some".


Next - Of 2,500 people surveyed, more than half said they were often too tired to have sex, while 42 percent said they were too stressed out and 40 percent said they did not have time.

Let's do the maths.
Over 50% = too tired. Let's say 51%.
42% are too stressed
40% have no time

51 + 42 + 40 = 133%

133% of 2,500 people don't have sex due to 3 different reasons. What about the people who do have regular sex? Do they fall into minus figures? Stupid Reuters. Make it clearer what you're on about next time. If you mean 40 percent of the 51% of people don't have sex regularly due to no time, SAY THAT. Otherwise we'll continue believing that America is a country of morons. You have helped nothing.

This "blog", if it is such, will be frequently updated with articles, interesting and funny or world news and other items of humour. This will replace the current layout of bitterdays.co.uk, and will indeed become bitterdays.co.uk. I believe it will be easier to publish updates and also allow for feedback from various people who may visit. The forums (www.s13.invisionfree.com/BitterDays) will of course be kept in use for anything extra.

I will allow contributions on this blog as well; if you have any news or anything that someone somewhere might find funny/interesting, please contact me (solon@bitterdays.co.uk) and I'll get your piece up.

If you're wondering what happened to the old BitterDays site, well it got too popular and exceeded its bandwidth. Basically I'm moving to blogger - www.bitternews.blogspot.com but the domain is also being transferred, so you'll still be on bitterdays.co.uk. If you can't understand that you shouldn't be reading this. Just stand up, step away from the PC and call for help.

I will still be adding Edgehill updates to this blog, so it's still going to be the same. Articles will also continue.

I'm going to be bigger than Slashdot .. even though this will be nothing like Slashdot. Damn right.

Bear in mind this is all going to be for fun, so don't go crapping your pants over it or anything. Enjoy!