Last night was pretty cool, after a 7 hour shift at work, and getting £5 for doing one delivery, I made my way to Bude. In total fog, by the way; visibility was about 10 metres. I really didn't see that group of townies crossing the road, and I didn't see that 40 limit. Good job no one cares about chavs. I should be made King for my good deed. Anyway, after getting to Bude and getting to the beach, and then going ... somewhere else to do ... stuff, which I shan't go into now ... though it's not as sexual as you might be thinking ... let's just say Stag's a ninja who works for MI5 and she taught us some stuff ... we lit up a fire on the beach and had marshmellows. Then some gipsys came and started stealing our heat, but they complimented our fire so it was ok. Then it started raining, but we stayed. Then the fire died out and Jenny went to go talk to the homeless guy who was sitting near our cars. I think she woke him up and he was pretty pissed. I mean, she was pissed, he was pissed off. Poor guy just wanted a quiet night's sleep on the bench in the rain. Then we slept in my car, all three of us, even though we had three cars there, and got breath all over my friggin' windows. Seriously, I hate cleaning breath of the windows. During the night I drew a dick on Jenny's face, but it didn't look much like a dick. She doesn't have very drawable skin. You know what's more annoying than someone who doesn't have drawable skin? Someone who snores like a freakin' warthog. Jebus, girl was like a fog horn.
That was last night...
So today, after another good night sleeping in my car by the beach, I had breakfast at Morrisons with Stag and Jenny. I told them not to have the salmonella eggs, but they didn't listen. I think they'll regret it tomorrow. Anyway, we get back into the car to drive back to the beach, Jenny beeps the horn to let the people around us know we're reversing (as you do), and off we go. Then we stoped. Or more accurately, something stopped us.
My first thought when we bumped to a stop was "Oh shit, I've killed a midget". Then I looked in the mirror and saw something orange and thought "Oh shit, I've killed an umpa-lumpa". But it wasn't. I guess that's a good thing 'cause Umpa-Lumpas are pretty mean lean orangeene fighting machines, and I don't want a gang of midgets kicking my ass.
Now, I looked around when I was reversing, mirrors, blindspots, and even the horn was beeped, but these people came out of nowhere. I'm telling you, 60 year old men are maniacs. They were driving a bright orange car so obviously I would have seen them if they wern't going at the speed of freakin' light.
Stag screams and I go "oh shit". Jenny just sits there. I get out the car going "oh shit oh shit", look at the damage to my car. Jenny just sits there. Damn, I got off pretty lightly, just took the left side of my bumper off the screws. That's nothing. The lights didn't get touched, the reflecter fell out but I popped that back in. It's nothing. His car, however. Well, I hit the passenger side, and the passenger couldn't even get out the car because it was dented in so much. I feel like I've impacted on someone's life today. They've got a memory of me; an imprint of my bumper in their door. They must have been going seriously fast though, I mean, my bumper made a pretty long dent, and it was only a couple of inches of my bumper which was scratched. So I gave them some details and they said they'd contact me. Fair enough I guess.
The guy even thanked me.
He said, "Thank you"
To which I replied, "Well, not really 'thank you', I mean..." whilst gesturing at the gash in his car.
Jenny just sat there. I think she was thinking about getting back to her car so she could roll a fag.
I'm never selling my Metro. I've got too many memories with it now, 8 months of memories, I don't think I'll get my bumper fixed either. It's like a trophy. How many cars have you smashed into? Yeah, that's what I thought, hippy. Again I'm better than you.
When we got back to the other cars, they both had parking tickets. Haha, suckers.
That was last night...
So today, after another good night sleeping in my car by the beach, I had breakfast at Morrisons with Stag and Jenny. I told them not to have the salmonella eggs, but they didn't listen. I think they'll regret it tomorrow. Anyway, we get back into the car to drive back to the beach, Jenny beeps the horn to let the people around us know we're reversing (as you do), and off we go. Then we stoped. Or more accurately, something stopped us.
My first thought when we bumped to a stop was "Oh shit, I've killed a midget". Then I looked in the mirror and saw something orange and thought "Oh shit, I've killed an umpa-lumpa". But it wasn't. I guess that's a good thing 'cause Umpa-Lumpas are pretty mean lean orangeene fighting machines, and I don't want a gang of midgets kicking my ass.
Now, I looked around when I was reversing, mirrors, blindspots, and even the horn was beeped, but these people came out of nowhere. I'm telling you, 60 year old men are maniacs. They were driving a bright orange car so obviously I would have seen them if they wern't going at the speed of freakin' light.
Stag screams and I go "oh shit". Jenny just sits there. I get out the car going "oh shit oh shit", look at the damage to my car. Jenny just sits there. Damn, I got off pretty lightly, just took the left side of my bumper off the screws. That's nothing. The lights didn't get touched, the reflecter fell out but I popped that back in. It's nothing. His car, however. Well, I hit the passenger side, and the passenger couldn't even get out the car because it was dented in so much. I feel like I've impacted on someone's life today. They've got a memory of me; an imprint of my bumper in their door. They must have been going seriously fast though, I mean, my bumper made a pretty long dent, and it was only a couple of inches of my bumper which was scratched. So I gave them some details and they said they'd contact me. Fair enough I guess.
The guy even thanked me.
He said, "Thank you"
To which I replied, "Well, not really 'thank you', I mean..." whilst gesturing at the gash in his car.
Jenny just sat there. I think she was thinking about getting back to her car so she could roll a fag.
I'm never selling my Metro. I've got too many memories with it now, 8 months of memories, I don't think I'll get my bumper fixed either. It's like a trophy. How many cars have you smashed into? Yeah, that's what I thought, hippy. Again I'm better than you.
When we got back to the other cars, they both had parking tickets. Haha, suckers.
It's like a south west version of 'Fear and loathing in Las Vegas'!