It's a good job I didn't update yesterday because only one person visited. That's not including the people that read my blog from the RSS feed of course ... I don't think I can count that unless I bother to do some research into it. Like that's ever going to happen. My blog is losing popularity for some reason though. Maybe it's the crappy quality of updates. Well you know what, screw you, if you don't like my updates you can just as well sit here and read on and on and watch me type random nonsensicle sentences with perfect grammar. I don't even need to use spell-check; I'm that good.
Honestly, when I say "that good" I mean spank my ass with a rubber chicken good. I found out I'm allergic to rubber yesterday, which is a shame. It's either a rash or AIDS, I have a serious problem on my hands. AIDS is physically undetectable, where as a rash will leave me red for days. Yeah I know, days. I couldn't cope with that kind of deformity on my body. I think I'd chose the AIDS every time.
So the other day I'm at the car wash. I've paid for my ticket and everything, just driving through, and woah, what do you know? No wonder car washes are so expensive, they don't just have to pay the one-off fee of the machines and of course the water bill like we all thought. Hell no. Three sexy ladies came out of those big swirly things and started stripping and washing my car with their breasts. Seriously, would I lie about something like that? I don't think so. I never lie. Ever. If I said I was lying right now, but I never lie, am I really lying when I said I was lying? I guess I would be lying, but then if I never lie, I can't be lying, but I'm blatantly lying. I guess the answer is to go away and eat some more pie.
Speaking of pie;
Lunch today was chicken and mushroom pie. That's right, chicken and mushrooooom. Badger badger. Aha, yes. Ahem, the pastry was pretty sweet, but the potato with it was hopeless. Not to be outdone the bread made a spectacular appearance on the sidelines and came on at the end of the game to wipe the floor clean. It was a carb-show-down. The bread was all "pizzow, bang, zoom" and the potato was all like "sheeeeang, wiz, puchhhhhh".
Enough talk about vegetables. Let's talk about Terry Schiavo. Wait, she died. Stupid vegetarian. Zing.
Honestly, when I say "that good" I mean spank my ass with a rubber chicken good. I found out I'm allergic to rubber yesterday, which is a shame. It's either a rash or AIDS, I have a serious problem on my hands. AIDS is physically undetectable, where as a rash will leave me red for days. Yeah I know, days. I couldn't cope with that kind of deformity on my body. I think I'd chose the AIDS every time.
So the other day I'm at the car wash. I've paid for my ticket and everything, just driving through, and woah, what do you know? No wonder car washes are so expensive, they don't just have to pay the one-off fee of the machines and of course the water bill like we all thought. Hell no. Three sexy ladies came out of those big swirly things and started stripping and washing my car with their breasts. Seriously, would I lie about something like that? I don't think so. I never lie. Ever. If I said I was lying right now, but I never lie, am I really lying when I said I was lying? I guess I would be lying, but then if I never lie, I can't be lying, but I'm blatantly lying. I guess the answer is to go away and eat some more pie.
Speaking of pie;
Lunch today was chicken and mushroom pie. That's right, chicken and mushrooooom. Badger badger. Aha, yes. Ahem, the pastry was pretty sweet, but the potato with it was hopeless. Not to be outdone the bread made a spectacular appearance on the sidelines and came on at the end of the game to wipe the floor clean. It was a carb-show-down. The bread was all "pizzow, bang, zoom" and the potato was all like "sheeeeang, wiz, puchhhhhh".
Enough talk about vegetables. Let's talk about Terry Schiavo. Wait, she died. Stupid vegetarian. Zing.
Dan, don't try to write on speed.